No thought, no reflection, no analysis, no cultivation: let it settle itself. -Tilopa
At the root of addiction problems lies an attempt to control our emotional experience. Whether we are trying to avoid discomfort, maximize pleasure, or likely both, our addictions represent an attempt to direct the experience of our inner lives. Even when we have broken the bonds to the substances or behaviors that represent our addictions, we may still try to direct our lives along these lines by applying control when it isn’t optimal to do so. An important skill in recovery is knowing when to assert ourselves into action. An even more important skill is knowing when to let go. Trying to change the unchangeable is a sure way to experience intense frustration. Learning to let go, even when we have to face the fear that comes with giving up control over a particular outcome, gives us the opportunity to trust the process of life outside of the small parts of it that are within our influence. This allows us to give ourselves a break and let life adjust itself without our help. Often, the results of these adjustments will meet with our approval even without our help.